Blog: Time to Speak Out About Bullies

I don't often speak about personal issues, but this one deserves to be talking about. Bullying is a large, and necessary, discussion these days. What once we thought of as a normal part of growing up is proving to be much worse these days as the news reports more suicides of bullied kids, and sometimes even murders by bullies.

I feel horrible saying that I was bullied as a child because my experiences do not even compare to the problems experienced by today's kids. Other members of my generation may have had bullying problems with the same intensity as many children today, but I did not hear about them. I have no right to throw myself in this discussion and claim "I was bullied too," even though it's true. This whole bully debate reminds me of a quote attributed to Martin Niemöller. "First they came for the Communists, but I was not a Communist so I did not speak out. Then they came for the Socialists and the Trade Unionists, but I was neither, so I did not speak out. Then they came for the Jews, but I was not a Jew so I did not speak out. And when they came for me, there was no one left to speak out for me."

If those of us who were bullied as children don't speak out now, when it matters, what does it teach those who are being bullied today?

So this is me: speaking out. My own childhood involved a lot of chases, thrown objects, and attacks by book in addition to the name calling. I have to wonder what would have happened had I not chosen to fight back. And when I say "fight back," I don't mean actually fighting. I was the literal 98 pound weakling in junior high, and even scrawnier in elementary school. I had no hand strength, I couldn't kick or punch to save my life. All I had was my wit, my lips, and a nasty tendency to spout one-line insults to the (fortunately dim) bullies. I remember one day walking home from school, carrying my canvas/fiberglass like book bag with one lone schoolbook in it. The usual suspects were riding bikes, tormenting me. I tried to ignore them, but then they turned on my younger brother and I lost it. I hit the lead bully in the face with my book bag, which split his lower lip.

We were in elementary school. This was the first time the violence had gotten personal and up close. The bullies had not yet reached the brink of escalation, which always comes sooner or later, and they weren't ready for the victim to fight back. I never would have defended myself, I would just have run. But defending family? I became a momentary lunatic that sent the entire group of bullies riding for the proverbial hills. The bleeding lead bully ran home to his mom, screaming that I'd knocked his teeth out. His parents came to talk to my parents, and then walked away when I came to the door. Apparently they had the idea that my brother had taken down their son. The appearance of a skin-and-bones girl threw them off their game and they instead went home to read their son the riot act for attacking a girl.

Things were so much different then. Boys were still "not supposed to hit a girl." No one brought knives, guns, or drugs to school. It was a little town full of jocks and people who counted physical prowess as more important than brains. My zingers often took days to sink in, and when they finally did, the bullies gathered to chase me all the way home from school. One could say their bark was worse than their bite, but then how much of that was due to the fact that I'd proven I was willing to go to the mat when my back was against the wall?

I had another close call in high school when another girl (also a bully and the daughter / sister of a couple of local thugs) decided she was going to make me push a penny across the floor school's concrete front "porch" with my nose. I said no. She almost hit me, but held back because she'd just turned 18 and I was still a minor. Mind you, I didn't know about the whole "legally an adult" and "assaulting a minor" legal issues at the time. When I found out, I felt invulnerable. A stupid attitude, because she started following me home in her car threatening to take me out. Silly me, I told her I'd have her sued for assault and still dared her to get out of her car and attack me. I'm still not sure why she held back except, maybe, that bullies don't like victims that don't act like prey.

These days, she would have a gun in her car. These days, I'd be dead or in the ER with multiple gun shot wounds for my bravado. These days, if I ran a neighbor's doorbell on the way home from school because the bullies were chasing me, they might answer the door, let me in, and call the police. Or the neighbors might just ignore me as none of this would have been their business.

These days, kids get killed because no one knows how to hurt someone else like another kid.

This is unacceptable. We need to stop this. We need to step up and share our experiences with the younger generations. We need to give them hope that they can survive, and then we need to find a way to make sure they do. And when we see someone else doing the bullying, we need to do something else other than stand around trying to remain unnoticed.

Inspired by Steve Almond's article on Romney and his own experience with bully culture.