It’s amazing the things we take for granted when trying to hold a conversation. Today, I’m walking down the hallway at work and someone says, "You look nice today."
There are so many ways to take that comment. My initial reaction was to thank the person for the compliment. As I walked away, though, my writer’s brain engaged and I started taking the statement apart.
What does that mean? I thought. Does it mean she likes my outfit and wants it for herself? Does that mean she thinks I don’t look nice on other days? Does it mean exactly what she said? (Yeah, that last one is being ignored because I’m in writer mode).
Such a difference the word "today" makes to that sentence. Written in prose, the only way to understand the phrase’s intent is to see the reaction of the characters who heard it and the actions of the character who said it. Here’s what’s going through my head (in order-the casual drive-by office chat, the snarky remark, and the honest compliment):
Brenda stepped out of her office. As she passed Sandra in the office hallway, she commented, "You look nice today."
"Thanks," Sandra replied.
or
Brenda stepped out of her office. As she passed Sandra in the office hallway, she snorted. "You look nice today."
Sandra paused, her brow furrowed. "Uh, thanks."
or
Brenda stepped out of her office. As she passed Sandra in the office hallway, she said, "You look nice today."
Sandra smiled. "Thanks."
And then I have thoughts of an alien invasion going on outside the window, which is totally out of scope for the current exercise. @=)
The point is to see the action-reaction between two characters wandering down a hallway and having them say their lines in as many different ways as possible. One of my acting professors had us do a similar exercise in class. Two of us squared off and one of us was only allowed to use the word "no" while the other was only allowed to use the word "yes." We had a blast learning the different ways, vocally and physically, to express ourselves and compress our needs into one word.
The same thing can be done with prose, though not quite as simply. When editors say you’re too wordy, think about this exercise. Find the essential words, the ones that carry the brunt of the sentiment and meaning, then rework all the other words around them. Trim, edit, cut, rewrite and rewrite until you can say what you mean with as few words as possible.
Which is totally not what I’m doing with this blog post, but hey… It’s my blog. @=)
