It’s that time of year again. Election Day, with all the pageantry and noise that typically comes with such an event. The voters among us are all probably ready for things to be over with. Though I for one will be counting the number of 2012 campaign ads that arrive in my mailbox through the rest of the year with a certain amount of morbid fascination and humorous glee. Is it wrong of me to laugh at money spent for an ad that arrives in the mail too late to do any good?
In the spirit of politics, I’d like to discuss the ballot. Yes, I have already voted, and I am sorely disappointed at what was and was not included on the ballot. But rather than rehash all the controversial topics already on the news, I’m going to discuss my heartbroken 6-year-old self because she is the most disappointed voter of all. Here’s what she wanted to see on the big Election Day ballot:
1) The Peanuts party – Snoopy (Presidential Candidate), Woodstock (Vice Presidential Candidate)
2) The non-Veggie Vegetable Vote for our favorite non-vegetable “vegetables” (corn, peas, etc.)
3) An ammendment to the U.S. Constitution that allows Cookie Monster to eat cookies whenever he wants. (The carrot thing still breaks my heart)
4) A change to election law requiring all would-be politicians to test their mettle by doing a high-altitude balloon jump. (Okay, so the courage required to do this isn’t the same thing as the courage to lead a constituency, but between this and an obligatory pie fighting contest, this seemed much more entertaining.)
5) A law allowing kids to take books to bed and read all night long, even if it means they sleep through school the next day. (Hey, don’t look at me that way. My adult self likes school, but these are laws my 6-year-old self wanted.)
6) A proposition updating the current U.S.-U.K. treaty with a provision requiring the BBC to air a new episode of Doctor Who and Top Gear every weekend without fail.
7) An ammendment giving full citizenship rights to toys. Because Pixar & Disney have proven they really do come to life after we leave the room.
8) Santa Claus for district School Board.
9) A nationwide raw broccoli ban (broccoli must be cooked and must be accompanied by lots of cheese).
Yes, my younger self is a little selfish, but can you blame her? Think about how many more people would be voting at the polls if we had these kind of items on the ballot. The broccoli ban would be so controversial that we’d have parents selling blackmarket raw broccoli to the Ranch Valley kids down the street. You know it would happen. “Dude, how much for a stalk of broccoli. I just need a little. Just to go with my Ranch dressing. Please, dude, I’m begging you.”
So, what does your 6-year-old self want on the ballot?
